Unexpected things about being A  first time – mother

Becoming a mother has been something that has changed my life most profoundly. No one can prepare you for what to expect and no rule can work for every child and family. I am constantly learning new things about motherhood and most importantly about myself. 

Here’s a list of things I couldn’t even imagine before becoming a mother. 

LONELINESS 

Felling lonely ? I have been there. Pre motherhood I spent my first 19 years in my large and loud family and then the next 8 years in livelihood shared flats. Then came my first pregnancy, during which I suffered from prenatal depression. 

Being in such a delicate state in a foreign country, away from my Family, I believe, made an impact on my well-being. I had to stop working straight away as I was feeling exhausted and frequently had vertigo. It didn’t feel safe to be on my own in the big city ( London ) with a child in my tummy. 

During this time and the first few months after our darling was born, I experience something that I thought only old people could go through. LONELINESS. 

My husband would rush home after work to stay with me but before his arrival, these hours, days, weeks and months on my own felt never-ending. But they did, and when my daughter was born in the various baby care activities I did something that I have never done before, take the initiative to make new friends.  I wish I knew then what I know now, that if you feel lonely making new friends and even talking to strangers is the best medicine.

MATERIALISM

Families and mothers are bombarded with ideas that newborns NEED an endless list of things. This is the biggest lie we have been told. The things our children really need and want are free: our time, love and care. And the best way you can give this is by being flexible and always seeking to learn and improve ( books, books, books).

Second-hand stuff will do the job, you don’t need to buy new branded things. Sooner than you think they will grow out of it and you will be pleased to acknowledge how much money you saved. 

MESSINESS

A tidy clean home helps us to be balanced and connected with ourselves. I’m at the peak of happiness when everything is well organised and I have the space to express my creativity. However, with 2 children under 6, it is not as straightforward as I wish. It is OK if our home is not sparkling clean or looks like a magazine, I’d rather spend time reading, playing, exploring, painting etc with my children than madly try to keep everything perfectly sorted in our home. I know one day, when they will be a bit older we will have more time to keep our home spotless. 

NOT ON MY OWN

We, modern people, tend to try to do things on our own as if accepting the help of others will decrease our value as a human. I was one of these people who thought I could do everything by myself but with kids quickly learnt that’s not true. I began to allow friends and family to increase their deeds by helping with a cooked meal, chopping wood or a book read to the children. Whenever a helping hand is offered I don’t refuse it anymore because I know it is good and natural.

PATIENT

Before becoming a Mother I couldn’t possibly know that patience would be something that I would value, mention and meditate about so much. I believe we should invent a new word to express the struggles we have to endure with children regarding being patient, it feels and looks like it is never enough. 

Every day I have to push my patience to a new level and it feels like I need to make more steps forward to accomplish the right state of mind. My way to deal with it is to try to nourish our children with activities that I found fulfilled their souls and make them explore new parts of their beings.

Nature is the best place to be, I witness an enormous change in their being when we spent time in the forest or at the seaside. Sports like running or riding a bike help them to be more focused. Art activities make their soul speak and last but not least reading. Reading time is our peaceful realm, when a book is open and I read to them they are hooked and the discussion afterwards really brings contentment to us as a family. 

What unexpected things did you learn as a new mother?

I would LOVE to hear from you 

I hope this article will help someone enrich their life

With love

Giada