Becoming a mother has been something that has changed my life most profoundly. No one can prepare you for what to expect and no rule can work for every child and family. I am constantly learning new things about motherhood and most importantly about myself. 

Here’s a list of things I couldn’t even imagine before becoming a mother. 

LONELINESS 

Felling lonely ? I have been there. Pre motherhood I spent my first 19 years in my large and loud family and then the next 8 years in livelihood shared flats. Then came my first pregnancy, during which I suffered from prenatal depression. 

Being in such a delicate state in a foreign country, away from my Family, I believe, made an impact on my well-being. I had to stop working straight away as I was feeling exhausted and frequently had vertigo. It didn’t feel safe to be on my own in the big city ( London ) with a child in my tummy. 

During this time and the first few months after our darling was born, I experience something that I thought only old people could go through. LONELINESS. 

My husband would rush home after work to stay with me but before his arrival, these hours, days, weeks and months on my own felt never-ending. But they did, and when my daughter was born in the various baby care activities I did something that I have never done before, take the initiative to make new friends.  I wish I knew then what I know now, that if you feel lonely making new friends and even talking to strangers is the best medicine.

MATERIALISM

Families and mothers are bombarded with ideas that newborns NEED an endless list of things. This is the biggest lie we have been told. The things our children really need and want are free: our time, love and care. And the best way you can give this is by being flexible and always seeking to learn and improve ( books, books, books).

Second-hand stuff will do the job, you don’t need to buy new branded things. Sooner than you think they will grow out of it and you will be pleased to acknowledge how much money you saved. 

MESSINESS

A tidy clean home helps us to be balanced and connected with ourselves. I’m at the peak of happiness when everything is well organised and I have the space to express my creativity. However, with 2 children under 6, it is not as straightforward as I wish. It is OK if our home is not sparkling clean or looks like a magazine, I’d rather spend time reading, playing, exploring, painting etc with my children than madly try to keep everything perfectly sorted in our home. I know one day, when they will be a bit older we will have more time to keep our home spotless. 

NOT ON MY OWN

We, modern people, tend to try to do things on our own as if accepting the help of others will decrease our value as a human. I was one of these people who thought I could do everything by myself but with kids quickly learnt that’s not true. I began to allow friends and family to increase their deeds by helping with a cooked meal, chopping wood or a book read to the children. Whenever a helping hand is offered I don’t refuse it anymore because I know it is good and natural.

PATIENT

Before becoming a Mother I couldn’t possibly know that patience would be something that I would value, mention and meditate about so much. I believe we should invent a new word to express the struggles we have to endure with children regarding being patient, it feels and looks like it is never enough. 

Every day I have to push my patience to a new level and it feels like I need to make more steps forward to accomplish the right state of mind. My way to deal with it is to try to nourish our children with activities that I found fulfilled their souls and make them explore new parts of their beings.

Nature is the best place to be, I witness an enormous change in their being when we spent time in the forest or at the seaside. Sports like running or riding a bike help them to be more focused. Art activities make their soul speak and last but not least reading. Reading time is our peaceful realm, when a book is open and I read to them they are hooked and the discussion afterwards really brings contentment to us as a family. 

What unexpected things did you learn as a new mother?

I would LOVE to hear from you 

I hope this article will help someone enrich their life

With love

Giada

Our under 7 years old kids are fluent in 2 languages. 

I often receive compliments from strangers on how amazing it is to see very young children being able to switch from one language to the other. 

I had a clear goal in my life; to teach my mother tongue to my kids. Not only because I am aware of the benefits of knowing more than one language but also because I  felt upset my Mother didn’t teach us her mother tongue, I didn’t want to make the same mistake. 

According to BIG THINK ( and science ): “A great and growing body of research has focused on the psychological, economic, and health benefits of being bilingual. Speaking many languages improves a host of cognitive functions, across all stages of life, and it affects our emotional and social attitudes, as well. The scientific world is starting to take seriously the life-changing advantages of speaking multiple languages.” Check out the full article here: https://bigthink.com/neuropsych/10-benefits-bilingualism/

This is what FUTURLEARN says about being bilingual: “Bilingual people enjoy advantages: they have enriched cognitive control, it’s likely that they have improved metalinguistic awareness, as well as better memory, visual-spatial skills and even creativity.” check out the full article here: https://www.futurelearn.com/info/courses/multilingual-practices/0/steps/22658

It is not as hard as it seems. I often hear parents that they don’t know how to do it, or that they are the only parent who speaks that language, they can’t be bothered, etc. When my first child was born I was the only parent who spoke a foreign language and I didn’t know how to teach her. I tried a method that I wasn’t certain will give me success but by listening to my children today I can confidently say I succeeded in that regard. 

I am not a language expert or a teacher, I am just a Mother who wants to give simple advice on how things worked well for us about teaching a foreign language. Here’s how I did it.

1. SPEAK TO YOUR CHILD IN YOUR MOTHER TONGUE

When we had our first child we were living in the UK. I was the only parent who spoke Italian and we had zero Italian speakers around us. This didn’t stop me. Since she was born, I only and always spoke to her in Italian. I think this helped to create a strong foundation in her bilingual journey and also as a way to make our bonding stronger. Yes, is true babies don’t talk for at least the first 2 years, but they record everything you say to them, so whatever I was doing most of the time I would explain to her what was happening like “ Mum is brushing her teeth with a toothbrush” or maybe something like this “ I am going to cook our lunch now, what I need now is collecting all the ingredients, here’s the pasta, onion, olive oil, tomatoes” etc etc. I was talking to her a lot and well sooner than I expected we were having a proper conversation in Italian.

2. READ 

I am a big fan of books. I always have a book next to my bed, and try to read before I sleep. Without books, I would feel empty. I think reading is essential for my well-being and I would like to pass on to them this passion. I have been reading to my children forever, I established a very solid routine, there is no day ( unless I am very unwell ) where I don’t read to them and of course, I read in Italian. I think reading aloud to them improved their vocabulary and made our bond stronger. 

3. LISTEN

To improve their listening and understanding abilities I often play audio stories in Italian, there are plenty of them on YouTube and Spotify for free.

4. SHOWER THEM WITH COMPLIMENTS

We frequently praise them on how well-spoken they are. whenever they use complicated words we make a big deal out of it like when our 4 years old said to us “extraordinary’’ we acted like it was the best thing ever. I make them feel cool about how great is for young people like them to know 2 languages.

This is how I taught my children Italian. 

I hope someone will find this article useful.

I see myself as a reflective person, I love to be on my own and dive inside my mind to reach a higher state of being. 

Silence is my favourite music and although I acknowledge the need to be with other human beings, I far long prefer to be by myself, preferably with a book, or a paintbrush or perhaps with my home chores. 

I always try to push my limits and learn to see the world from a different point of view. I think this is a great way to enjoy our existence as being part of humankind.

I try to see every day as a new beginning and learn a lesson from every difficulty I encounter.  

This year has been an intense one; without going into details I would like to share in this blog the nine main lessons I learned in 2022.

1 Our family members will never be what we want them to be

We all have in our mind the picture of our perfect family, we all know very well how things would be better IF only that person would do that IF only that person would be like him or her etc. But the reality is, things are not going to change only because we think they should. We can help someone to be better to do better but most of the time people won’t change and we have to accept that. I am learning to accept, love and care for someone even if they are not the way I want them to be and I am learning more than ever, to love every tiny step they are making to be in a better state of being.

2 Just do it 

Just do the things that make you feel good, happy and connected. I wanted to share with the world my photography, drawings and writing journeys and I did it; it made a very positive impact on my life. Now I want to create more things that make me feel better.

3 There is always a reason to be grateful for

I have learned to see light in the darkest places and making a tiny effort to see every good thing I have in my life, made me happier and lighter in my heart.

4 Set your boundaries 

If you don’t set boundaries people will step over you. It is very good to be kind and gentle but this doesn’t necessarily mean not telling people how things are, even if it hurts, you better keep it truthful and clear on what is ok for you and what isn’t. Your voice matter.

5 Poor sleep led me to the darkest places 

Our mental health is one of the most precious things we have and we have to look after it. I have noticed sleep plays a big role in my well-being, if I don’t rest enough, in the long run, I tend to fall into depression.

If feeling good means sometimes sleeping a bit more I just sleep more. 

It is as easy as that. 

6 Don’t create barriers 

Since my second pregnancy (2018) I started my art journey and never left it. I’m filling up sketchbook after sketchbook, which is essential for my well-being. 

My creative journey has taught me you don’t have to be great at what you doing, you improve while doing it; you don’t need a day off to improve your skill, 10 or even 5 minutes a day are enough to feel a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment and to improve; you don’t need expensive tools to start. Find the thing you love and let your heart guide you. 

7 I am not as good as I wish to be but I try my best to improve

I have come to terms that I am not as good as I wish to be. 

I lose my temper, I shout at the kids, I miss my prayers and sometimes I say mean things; all this makes me feel awful but I make the effort to accept my mistakes and I try hard to be a kinder, more loving and gentle person. 

8 Today wasn’t great but by the will of God tomorrow will be better

We all have bad days and I know it isn’t nice to go through daily challenges but we all know some days are much better than others. If I had a off day I just keep reminding myself that it is ok and I perhaps remind myself that yesterday was a good day and that tomorrow will be even better by saying this my day gets better straight away.

9 This could be my last breath 

I am becoming more aware of the fact that this very moment could be my last breath and this makes me enjoy life more and make me want to spend my time with people whom I love and care about the most. Life is too short and we should make the most of it by collecting beautiful memories with our loved ones. The rest can wait ( dishes included ).

I hope this blog article will inspire some of you 

With Love

Giada

Ada is a kind and delightful 96 years old Lady who spent most of her life at the service of orphanages. Is she a  Christian Nun? A worker in an orphanage? Neither of these options. At the early age of 19, back in 1946, she knew she wanted to be a Mother by vocation who over time cared and loved over 60 orphans like a real Mother.

Me and my Family met her for the first time over a weekend in September and my heart still feels full of love, excitement and inspiration for the stories she shared with us.

When we enter her little, spotless and welcoming bedroom I immediately felt a sense of peace.

Ada spoke very highly about Don Zeno, the priest and a lawyer at first who in 1931 founded a place called Nomadelfia ( where fraternity is the law ). He fought ferociously against injustice and with a gigantic ( as Ada described ) Faith built a community that follows the words and teachings of Jesus at the service of children in need, in a system where money is not needed and where everything is shared among the others, nobody owns anything apart from very few personal items. 

There was a time when they had about 1000 people living in Nomadelfia, now they are about 300.

Ada said they worked very hard to get what we now see, a beautiful, tidy, peaceful and well-organised community in the hills of Tuscany. 

To my eyes, it looks like heaven on earth but she said at the beginning the land has been renamed the land of the devil as they had to dig out for 30 years (!!) stones after stone.

Nomadelfia is a place where families live in big groups. Some kids are adopted, in foster care or biological children of the parents who look after them, and there is no difference between them, everyone is the same. 

There are chickens, cows, an ostrich and a cheese, olive oil and wine factory, carpentry, schools, a cemetery, a church and a bar where everyone meets up on Sunday.

Everyone ( excluding the children for obvious reasons) works but no one gets paid and no one is overworked or stressed about not being good enough.

This project sound so right to me, at the time it feels like this is how everyone should live. A simple life in a lovely supportive community, where greediness doesn’t exist and fraternity is the law.

Why am I sharing this?

1. during our stay ( a day ) I couldn’t stop thinking that I wanted everyone to know about this humanitarian project!
2. Perhaps someone will come up with this article and create another community like this and save thousands and thousands of orphans that are desperately looking for shelter, love and care!
3. Don Zeno was a peace fighter and despite the fact he had the majority of people ( including authority and at times the church itself ) he didn’t give up and he created something that everyone initially called a utopia. 
4. Our world needs to hear this story  in order to create more beautiful projects like this one

I hope with this blog post you will get inspired to do something good for people in need. 

It is astonishing to think about how one single human being has been able to change the lives of many. May His soul rest in Peace. May many of us be inspired by his work. 

Ameen 

Lots of love

Giada

Ps: check out Nomadelfia’s project https://www-nomadelfia-it.translate.goog/chi-siamo/?_x_tr_sl=it&_x_tr_tl=en&_x_tr_hl=en&_x_tr_pto=sc

written by : Giada Combusti 

I consider myself to be a spiritual being, and despite the incredulous look I often see on people’s faces when I declare such a thing, just before I met my husband I was trying to figure out how to become a Christian nun. The idea of me living a simple, minimalist life at the service of others and in a constant state of prayer felt to be the best place in this world, however, God had certainly other plans for me. LOL

By saying this I would like to make clear how material possessions didn’t delude me to think that they would help me to live a more meaningful and happier life.

So when my daughter came into our lives, I knew for certain that toys and best gadgets were not the main thing that will thrive her development and happiness. 

These are the best gifts we ( as parents ) gave to our daughter and son:

TIME.

Before I became a Mother I thought I didn’t have enough time to do things but only when I had my children  I realised how I had time before but not anymore. 

Little children need a lot of attention and dedication. I gave my life to them but I can’t stress enough how all those infinite hours spent together helped me to live a richer and fuller experience as not only a parent but as a human being. We can’t quantify this with numbers but with tears in my eyes, I can certainly state that the time I gave them has transformed into the most precious time of our lives. 

Can this be considered the best gift I gave to my children? Surely is. 

GOOD HEALTHY EATING HABITS.

“ We eat the food that has been cooked, our kitchen is not a restaurant, therefore, there isn’t a menu and we shall be grateful to have 3 main meals every single day.” Ameen. 

This is what I often preach when I see my children not too keen on eating what has been cooked for them, so eating what is available is the first lesson I have implanted in their hearts. 

My dad is (very) far from being perfect but he has taught me something very important: processed food is bad and sugary things are detrimental to our health. So in our home apart from occasional crisps or instant noodles there isn’t processed food and our added sugar intake is very low. This is what Dr Hu said “The effects of added sugar intake — higher blood pressure, inflammation, weight gain, diabetes, and fatty liver disease — are all linked to an increased risk for heart attack and stroke,”  at the Harvard Health Publishing – Harvard Medical School. https://www.health.harvard.edu/heart-health/the-sweet-danger-of-sugar

Our diet is rich in fibre, vegetables, fruits and pulses. Definitely humble and simple meals!

Could this be considered a gift for life? It was for me and certainly will be for them. 

NO TV, NO PHONE, NO TABLETS. 

We got rid of our tv as soon as we learned how bad tv was for babies. Here’s an article about it: https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/Media/Pages/Why-to-Avoid-TV-Before-Age-2.aspx

“ Good evidence suggests that screen viewing before age 18 months has lasting negative effects on children’s language development, reading skills, and short-term memory. It also contributes to problems with sleep and attention.’’ (!!!) Let alone tablets and phones. 

We choose to live without it and this has been one of the best decisions we made in our lives. Less distraction more intentional living. However, there are great films out there that I don’t want my kids to miss and so Thursday is our movie night and this is when we are together watching a movie, cartoon or documentary.  They love movie night and it is a special moment we share together. The rest of the days in our week we read, play, draw, walk, dance, swim etc 

When I search for movies I search for those that would impact us in the most profound way; recently I became aware of how I don’t want to stare at strangers doing stuff I want to see myself doing stuff, making my life my own movie ( DOES THIS MAKE SENSE ?)

I can see adults addicted ( including myself !! ) to phones, tv and tablets, it is extremely difficult  to be without them, it is a huge problem we are facing in our society and no one can deny that.

Why on earth do we want our youngest to waste their most important developing years in life watching a screen ??? I don’t get it.

Could a life without screens be a gift? I think so!

ENJOY SIMPLE THINGS

One of our relatives said to me as soon as their kids started to walk she got rid of the pram. That stuck on my mind and as soon as my children knew how to walk I got rid of the pram and I patiently teach them to walk in any circumstances, it has been tough and challenging at first as I had to slow down my paste, picked them up when they fall or encourage them to be strong and focus on going up to steep and slippery surfaces. 

Both our kids since a very young age has been great walker. I remember my little girl when she was 16 months walked for HOURS at the Etruscans necropolis which doesn’t have the easiest paths in the world. 

A walk in the forest is one of our favourite thing to do.

Could the teaching of loving something simple as a walk in the forest be considered a gift? I believe so.

SWIMMING. 

I was blessed enough to witness the first steps, words, smile, laugh etc of both of my children and these things filled up my heart with infinite joy but seeing my little girl ( who is not 6 yet ) freely snorkelling in deep water had helped me to experience something extraordinary joy and a sense of accomplishment I never thought they existed! 

Can teaching swimming be considered a skill for life and therefore a gift? Definitely yes! 

RIDING A BIKE.

“Good balance enables you and your child to concentrate, sit still and listen when required, to think clearly, to succeed at reading, spelling and mathematics and to develop skills in sporting activities.” said Rosemary MurphyLearning Difficulties expert at: https://developlearning.co.nz/parent-resources/blog/48-the-perfect-balance-why-good-balance-is-key-to-successful-learning/

To our own surprise, both our kids ( 3.5 and 5.5 ) know how to ride a pedal bike, for kilometres. I worked as a fashion model for years and I have been on magazine covers, visited the most luxurious places, eaten the most sophisticated food, travelled to many astonishing cities, met the most interesting and successful people, went to wonderful nature walks etc but seeing my family cycling together has been for sure one of the best things I have ever experienced so far. Not only cycling is good for our health, but it is also a way of living that could potentially keep our children away from silly things that they could encounter in their lives. 

Could the ability to ride a bike at a very early age be considered a gift? For sure. 

LOVE FOR BOOKS.

I wouldn’t feel as happy, serene, content and grateful as I am if I didn’t have my books. 

Books are a source of life; they give me hope, knowledge, truth and a sense of concrete peace. When I walk into a library or a book shop it feels like I am in heaven. I see opportunities, lessons to learn and adventures to discover. Books are good for my mind and essential for my soul. 

One of our very first activities has been reading to my kids. Every single day ( unless I am very unwell ) I read at least one story and to today they can’t live without it. If you happen to be at our home you would be seeing at some point of the day both our kids go through their books, by themselves without me suggesting it. 

I remember one night my little girl was sick, I had to shower her and change the bedsheets in the middle of the night, as soon as we were ready to go back to bed with a very weak voice and trembling eyes she said: “ Can you read me Mowgli ?” 

Do they find comfort with books? Is this a way to escape from boredhood? In both scenarios I see it as a good habit. 

Could the transmission of love for books be considered a gift? It is a treasure for me it shall be for them. 

Those are definitely our best gift for our children, I hope you enjoyed reading my list 🙂 

I hope this article will be helpful to someone. 

With Love

Giada