7 THINGS I HAVE LEARNED INTO 5 YEARS OF PARENTHOOD

Written by: Giada Combusti 

During my life, although having ups and downs (like everyone ) being treated unjustly for apparent no reasons (like everyone ) and left alone during the time where I needed them the most  ( as someone else might have experienced ); I have learned, since the beginning, to look at the smallest things in life to be happy and to feel grateful. 

Let me make it clear how it hasn’t been and it is still not smooth and easy, but overall I believe just for the simple fact that I am alive I shall be grateful. 

I am in my early 30s and I must say, life ( or God as I choose to understand ) is being kind to me. I hadn’t had any major health problems so far, neither I was involved in a war, I have never been physically abused, never I was left without a meal and till now, I had a nice life and to be more precise with the way I experience things, by being grateful with the smallest thing, I had a wonderful life with the grace of God.

However if I had to choose a period where I felt at the peak of my happiness and contentment, for many reasons I would choose the time since I became a mother. Never on earth, I would think that being a mother could bring so much. And yes, I had a very tough time and I still do from time to time but being a parent is so far the richest state that I have ever experienced.

Since I allowed myself to be a fully present and active parent I have experienced a sense of completeness so strong that I sometimes feel guilty about so many blessings. 

THINGS DON’T LAST FOREVER ENJOY THEM WHILE YOU CAN.

Parenthood is a blessing. From the moment you know to be pregnant, you become a Mother. 

A life is growing inside you and is your duty to look after this new life. 

We know IS difficult, especially the first year when EVERYTHING has changed so quickly and you find yourself with zero free time, and tons of things to do, learn and endure but this is special. Not everyone can experience this and THIS is a natural thing that helps us to reconnect to our truest selves. 

I am very grateful I stopped MY life to start OUR life together, this short time together is slowly evolving into something different from day 1 and nothing is as expected. 

I choose to enjoy every little moment because I know soon or later for one reason or another all this will be over. 

I am so grateful I breast-feed for years.

I am so grateful for the hundreds and hundreds of stories I read to them again and again.

I am so grateful to have played hours with them. 

I am so grateful I have kissed and cuddled them so much ( like now I have to stop for a morning cuddle ) it’s always a good time for a cuddle.  https://www.parentingforbrain.com/children-hugging/

I am so grateful I have slowed down for them, for us! So, if I can strongly suggest anything to a new parent it would be to ENJOY EVERY LITTLE MOMENT because things don’t last forever.

A PRESENT PARENT IS BETTER THAN A RICHER ONE.

We are not here to judge and I know many working mothers don’t have a choice however some do.

I know, someone has to work to get the bills paid and we all understand that but IF spending more time with the family only means fewer monies to be spent on brand new bags, clothes, shoes, takeaways, movies, hairdressers, jewellery, drinks out, the newest phone, bigger tv etc well, all the superficial stuff I would reconsider this in order to have a freer life to nurture the family. I decided to do so and I am sure you can do it too. I cut off so many things from my life but the things I am getting back are priceless and I am strongly sure to say that memories are better than material stuff and frivolous pleasures. Check out what expert Erica Komisar said about this topic started noticing a trend among American families. “I was seeing an epidemic level of emotionally troubled children who were really suffering from the absence of their mothers on a daily basis,” said Komisar, citing an uptick in conditions such as ADHD, early childhood aggression and social disorders. “And it’s just getting worse,” she said.

All the research pointed Komisar to one thing: the critical role mothers play in the first three years of a child’s development. https://wtop.com/parenting/2017/05/why-prioritizing-motherhood-in-the-first-three-years-is-critical/

SLOW DOWN, LOOK, BREATHE AND ENJOY

I am a very ‘’ enjoy the moment ‘’ kind of person and I truly try my best but I am only a human and part of my motherhood was set in London where everything and everyone is in a rush but thanks also to the kids I have learned to slow down and look at that cute little leaf or the ants crawling inside the wood, to breath and just let things be without rush from one thing to the other and to enjoy even a surprising rain to our way home. Everything can be fun and enjoyable if looked in a different way. Especially my eldest d.d who is now 5,5 years old she literally runs out from our home to just splash and get wet under the rain, while singing and screaming out of joy! It’s heartwarming to see her so joyous for so little.

KINDNESS WILL ALWAYS GET THE BEST OUTCOME.

Most of the people who know me would say I am a peaceful/ calm parent/person but I always answer that as I am a Human being sometimes I lose my temper and I shout at the kids, and this thing really saddens me deeply.

I always make an EXTRA effort to be the nicest and kindest version of myself but sometimes I fail. I am a student of this life and I am still learning. However I must say that the nicest version of myself always gets the best results, they listen to me more and the activities we have during the day unfold nicely. 

KIDS TOYS: LESS IS MORE

There are a few things I remember clearly from my childhood and one of these is when my Italian Grandfather ( class 1918 ) walked into our bedroom, I think I was about 8 years old, he was astonished at how many toys we had, he looked at us speechless and said: “ is it that teddy bear not enough?” and that stuck in my mind and since I had my kids I understood what he meant. We/they don’t need to have a lot of stuff to be happy, fewer toys are better than more.

How many times did we see our kids play with cardboard boxes rather than the actual toy inside it?

How many times did we see our kids playing with random things from the kitchen?

How many times did we see our kids playing with “no toys” things? 

I know there are toys that can really help them to develop their motor and creativity skills but trust me they need far less than what the mainstream tells us they need. Keep it simple.

LOVE AND ATTENTION ARE WHAT THEY REALLY CRAVE FOR.

No matter how lovely that toy is, no matter how amazing our pram is, no matter how expensive their shoes are, no matter how great the location that we are at, what they really want is our time, love and attention. 

This is it. Nothing else really matters. They want US, and yes, we are busy, I have got that but we must create space to connect and bond with each other, after all, they are our children. Create space for them and I assure you, you will be surprised how richer your life will be. Once again, all this will be over soon. So, enjoy it while you can!

A BRAIN LIKE A SPONGE.

Each and one of us has a lot of potentials and we can master whatever we want, age is not a limit and neither are resources, if you are focused, strong, motivated, positive and willing to sacrifice a bit you can achieve a lot. Kids have something special. I kind of knew this as it became a well-known thing but I never realised till I had my kids how true that statement is. Not only our kids are bilingual they are curious to learn more, the more we pour in their vassal the more excited they get and their memory is something else. We don’t own a tv and there is no such a thing as screen time. We read books and they love it. I encourage parents to nourish the kids from the very beginning with good stuff you will be surprised how much they can absorb. 

PRACTICE PATIENCE, BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT WE NEED!

9 are the months before you can see your baby; it takes time before we can taste the fruits we planted and you might wait a while before your heart will be healed after a delusion, these are just a taste of how patience is a crucial part of our lives. 

We are all so spoiled and have everything now in the best shape possible but unfortunately, the real world doesn’t work like this. Patience should be our companion because without it we would be feeling like a writer without a pen, a singer without a voice…. We would feel lost.

You will be asked “why” again and again, change infinite numbers of nappies, you will tell them to be quick etc and without being patient life would be a complete disaster. Practice patience and you will be ok!

Well, those are the main things I have learned since I am a mother, there will be more to come and I must say that is beautiful to grow together and I know is it is sad when things don’t go in the way we expected to go but I am sure at the end we all going to be fine. What have you learned?

I hope some of you, will find this article inspiring…

With Love 

Giada

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